Decisions, decisions.

I HATE making decisions. I have always been an extremely indecisive person and have always admired people who are able to quickly assess situations and make decisions quickly. I suppose that if it came right down to it and I HAD to make a quick decision in an emergency situation I probably could. But if I'm not faced with a deadline it takes me WAY TOO LONG! I totally over analyze everything. I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision that sometimes it's just easier not to decide anything at all. Part of my problem is that I'm TERRIFIED of failure. If I think I might fail at something, or even if I just think I won't excel at it, I won't even try it. This is something I really don't like about myself, but I don't really know how to change. I know that it has really inhibited many areas of my life and prevented me from experiencing some great things in life. I mean who cares if I'm not the best at everything or even if I do fail at something. I'll never know unless I try and I could end up having a lot of fun. I always complain because I don't have any talents, but maybe if I actually tried some new things I'd find something that I'm good at.

Why do I bring all of this up? Well I've been doing A LOT of thinking lately and I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life. We've been jobless now for almost 2 months and it's getting pretty scary. We're just not sure what to do. We're trying to be positive and figure out the reason for this trial. There's got to be a reason or a lesson right? One of the things I'm thinking is that it's because it's forcing me to look into a different path for my future. Here are some of the things I've come up with. Like I said though, I'm having an awful time deciding what to do. This will effect my entire family, not just me. I want to do what's best for my kids and huband.

Most of you know I have a bachelor's degree in kinesiology, and I've always wanted to go back to physical therapy school. I've really been looking into this lately and was sure that's what I wanted to do, but it is such a difficult schedule. The more information I got the more I realized that this is probably something that's going to have to wait until I'm done having kids and they're all in school. It's a three year, year round program that would take me out of the house a lot for class. Not to mention all of the studying I'd have to do just to keep up. First of all, the whole reason I don't work in the first place is so I can be the one home, raising my kids and spending time with them. Who would watch them while I was at school (hopefully Jared would be working by then)? Second, when would I have another baby? There's no way I could have one while going to school and I don't want to wait four years until I graduate.

So then I started thinking about massage therapy school. This somewhat relates to my degree. This sounds a little better as far as the schedule goes. They have a night school that is Monday through Thursday from 7 to 10:30. So Jared could be home with the kids and I'd really only be missing about an hour of their day because they'd be in bed after that. You also have to spend one day out of every weekend doing training. The problem is that this program is a year. Which isn't bad when you think of how long most things take, but for an entire year I wouldn' get to see my husband because he'd be at work all day then I'd be at school all night and on weekends. Also, it's pretty pricey and it would possibly delay Jared in his schooling a little bit. One of the main perks for me is that you get to dissect a cadaver. I know I probably sound sick in the head, but this is something I've always wanted to do. I'm so fascinated by the human body and how it works, I would love to be able to see inside of one.

Next I figured I would look into personal training. Again it's something that coincides with my degree (although I'd have to get in a lot better shape myself before anyone came to me for fitness advice). With most of these programs you pretty much just work at your own pace, then when you're ready you go take your certification exam. It's quite a bit less money than some of the alternatives.

Now I'm completely confused and have no idea what I want to do. I'm not sure which one I would enjoy most. I also need to take into consideration which would have the most flexible schedule both during school/training and also as an occupation. Then there's always the money factor. Although this isn't the most important factor, it's definitely necessary to weigh the cost of the program with the eventual salary I'd be earning back.

I know nobody can make this decision for me. It's something me and my family need to pray and think about. I just had to get some of these thoughts out of my head. If anyone does have some insight into any of these fields I'd like the info. Thanks for listening.