Journey of Smiles!

Is there anything better in the entire world than baby smiles? I think not. They melt my heart, make me oh so happy and completely make up for all of the sleeplessness that happens at night. Lilah bear has been smiling for a long time now, but it's not so easy to catch them on camera. I've gotten lots of her little, coy smiles but am yet to capture a huge, open mouth smile. She's really a pretty happy baby and smiles all the time, but as soon as I get out the camera she gets focused on that so she puts on her "ooh, what is that contraption" face and forgets about the smiles. I don't like to make her stop smiling, so I usually put the camera away in order to get those toothless grins back again.

It's so funny looking at these pictures, she looks so different to me. Some of them are from quite a while ago, but even the more recent ones look different. She doesn't look the same on camera as she does in person.

The other kids LOVE to make her smile. It cracks me up because I don't think Urban quite understands that she's smiling when she opens her mouth really wide. He likes whatever it is that she's doing, but he doesn't realize it's a smile. He'll come up to her, and in his little baby talk voice say, "come on Lilah, open your mouth, open your mouth Lilah". Then she'll smile at him and he'll look at me all proud of himself and say "baby tiny opened her mouth". Too cute!

I'll continue my work getting "the big one" on camera. Don't you worry your pretty little heads though, it will be done. Oh yes, it will be done!

I {HEART} Valentine's Day!

We've kind of had a Valentine's week around here. All week long Addison would bring us home cute little Valentine cards that she had made at school. Then she and Urban would make more for us on an almost daily basis. We made a lot of Valentine cookies throughout the week too. Oh, the kids also got cute little Valentine cards in the mail from bama, which they thought was pretty neat.



Jared and I decided not to get each other gifts, but of course he still got me something. He's such a butt-head, he always does that and then I feel bad. I guess I should probably know better by now.



(just a side note: we use butt-head as a term of endearment. I know that's weird but it's true. After I typed it I realized it looked kind of harsh, and admittedly very juvenile, but we say the word lovingly!)



Well not only can Jared not resist buying me gifts, he also can't ever wait to give them to me. It's a rarity that I get the gift on the actual occasion. He does not like surprises, even when they're not for him. So on Saturday he gave me a gift certificate to Tai Pan (one of my favorite stores), a box of delicious caramel/pecan chocolates and a pretty necklace. He also came home with flowers for all of us girls. Such a sweetie!



I was super excited about Valentine's day this year and wanted to make it really special for the kids. I had all these grand plans, but we all woke up sick on Sunday. I was determined to still follow through on whatever we could. We managed to get up and about at around 11 or so. Jared & I started cooking up a big breakfast complete with heart shaped pancakes. We all felt so awful that we hardly touched our food, but it sure looked pretty & festive!



Then we gave the kids the Valentine cards I made for them and a little gift that Jared picked out for each of them. We just kind of vegged the rest of the day. Jared took Delilah for a couple of hours, just bringing her to me for feedings, so that I could get some rest. That was probably the best present of all! =)



I wanted us all to make our own individual heart shaped pizzas for dinner, but Addison zonked out before dinner time and Urban wasn't hungry (that's how you really know when that kid is sick!). I told Jared that if I knew it was just going to be the two of us, I would have fixed a romantic candle light dinner. Anyway, we decided to save the pizzas for a night when we were all feeling better. We got to make them tonight and the kids were in heaven. They thought it was the greatest thing ever. They had so much fun making and eating their pizzas.


VOILA! The finished product. They turned out pretty cute and yummy. Addison was so excited about the heart shaped, limeade flavored ice we made.

Things may not have gone exactly as planned (when does that ever happen?) but we still had plenty of good times.

Father/Son Outing

Jared won 2 tickets to Monster Jam on Friday night so he and Urban got to spend the night doing manly things. I was so excited for them to get to have some alone time together. Jared is loving it now that Urban is getting old enough to go do fun stuff like this. They went out to grab a bite to eat then headed to the show.


Here they are on the way out the door. I just think they look so cute. Urban didn't quite understand what was going on. When we told him they were going to see a monster truck show he thought it was something they'd be watching on tv. He kind of freaked out when the trucks first came out because they were so noisy. Once Jared got his ear plugs in and got him settled down a bit he loved it. Here are some pictures Jared took with his phone. They're not the greatest quality, but you get the gist.

Apparently Urban was quite distracted for a little while because there was a family behind him eating churros. Even though he had kettle corn to munch on he still coveted the delicious treat behind him. I guess at one point after he had been staring long enough, the nice lady behind them gave him a piece of her churro. He was happy as could be after that and gave his full attention to the monster trucks. He is so silly!

At first Addison was a little bit sad that she didn't get to go with the boys, but I told her we could have a fun girls night at home. After she came up with the brilliant idea of having a pajama party she was ecstatic and couldn't wait for the boys to leave. So we went to the store to get yummy treats and stuff for dinner. We came home, got into our comfy clothes, and the fun began. She helped me make dinner which is like the best thing in the world to her. Then we made Rice Krispies Treats and ate them while watching The Princess and the Frog.

After that we gave each other manicures & pedicures. We even trimmed Delilah's nails as not to leave her out of the fun.

We all had such a great night. I love family moments like these.

Sledding

We took the kids sledding a couple of weekends ago and had a blast. When we first started it wasn't really snowing, but it started snowing pretty good after a couple of runs in. Jared & I had to take turns sitting in the van with Delilah because it was way too cold to have her outside.


Doesn't Urban kind of look like the little kid from A Christmas Story after his mom gets him all bundled up to walk to school? We were trying to save money this year so we didn't buy the kids new snow clothes. We figured that since everything still fit it would be okay, but their suits do look a bit short & snug. Oh well, they served their purpose.

I wasn't sure what to expect because my kids aren't really very adventurous. They're kind of scaredy cats. Apparently I've sheltered them from too much. But Jared loaded them both up on the sled and took them down the hill and they were hooked. Addison loved it, she couldn't wait to go down on her own. She did really well. Even when she fell off she would just laugh and walk back up the hill to get ready to go again. Urban liked the sledding part, but was not a fan of the cold or the snow flying in his face. After a couple of runs he was ready to sit in the nice warm van with Lilah.

THE BIG THREE - O!!!

I turned thirty last month and so far it really hasn't been too traumatizing. I still kind of just feel like I'm 29. I didn't wake up with tons of wrinkles or any more gray hairs than I already have, which is a lot by the way. Yeah, I found my first one when I was 19...what's that all about?



I'm not one of those people who really worried about turning thirty. I don't consider it to be old. Other things make me feel old though. Like being called ma'am or realizing that my young women have no idea what I'm talking about sometimes because it happened way before they were even born. Or, and this one is my favorite, when my husband tells me I can now officially be considered a cougar. Um, no, I don't think so. So I looked up the definition of a cougar (yes, I am that lame) and it's generally thought to be a woman over 40 thank you very much! Sadly I think he thought he was paying me a compliment, like he was calling me sexy or something. Men & women think so differently sometimes. =)



Anyway, since my birthday falls so closely to the beginning of the year it always brings about a lot of self reflection. Along with new year's resolutions are thoughts on how I've lived my life up to this point. Since thirty is like a milestone birthday I really got caught up in who I am and who I want to be. They are definitely not the same person. My mind has been consumed with this over the past month. I have so much running through my head that I haven't really even been able to coherently gather my thoughts to make any sense. All I have really figured out so far is that I'm not happy with myself...at all. I don't like who I am and I want so much more in my life. I want to be better for my husband, for my children and for me. I want to like myself. I don't want to be that "down in the dumps" girl with bad self esteem. Aren't we supposed to leave self loathing behind in our teenage years along with acne? Well I still get zits too so there goes that theory!




I need to make a change. Did anyone else just start singing Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" in their head? Anyone? No, just me, well okay then. Moving on...this past Sunday, our Sacrament program had a quote printed on the front of it that I'm pretty sure was intended especially for me. Don't you just love when that happens? It's by Joseph B. Wirthlin and reads as follows: "I urge you to examine your life. Determine where you are and what you need to do to be the kind of person you want to be." Wow! How I took it was "stop sitting around being unhappy with yourself and do something about it Hollie! You are not where you want to be. You are not who you want to be. So what are you going to do about it?".




I'm not real sure where to get started, but I know I have a lot of work to do. I'm actually really excited about it. I'm excited to change what I don't like about myself. I'm excited to actually like myself at all and be happy with my accomplishments in life.





So this is me, thirty years old and feeling about as low as ever...but not for long!



It took everything I had to post this picture. I hate having my picture taken. I never like how I look. I have picked every aspect of this picture apart until there was nothing left. I have a big nose, a small mouth, gray wiry hairs sticking straight up, uneven sized eyes, my eyebrows sure could use a plucking, a big forehead, wrinkles on my forehead, uneven skin tone, blah blah blah. Anyway, taking this picture actually serves a purpose. As I said, I hate having my picture taken and avoid being in them at all costs. I much prefer being the one taking the pictures, especially of my family. Well I was once told by a very wise woman (my mother) that someday I would regret this. She said that she was the same way and now when she reminisces and looks back at old photos she's sad that she's not in more of them. She wishes there were more pictures of her with our family doing all of the fun things we did.


Step one is to be more carefree (I have lots of control issues). I'm going to stop hiding from the camera. I will allow and try to enjoy having my picture taken. They won't all be good, but that's okay. That's why I posted this particular picture. It's one of the most unflattering that I took (I usually like my hair to somewhat cover my face), but it's real, and if I can post it up here for all to see then I'm well on my way. At least that's my thought process. =) I know this may sound silly and insignificant, but I'm taking baby steps here people, baby steps. And this is just one of the many steps on my path to self discovery. Someday I will think I'm beautiful, both inside and out...I hope!


Funny side note: see the mole, or beauty mark as I like to call it, on my cheek? Well Urban does not like it. Whenever he notices it he gets right up in my face and tells me there's something on me and tries to scrape it off with his fingernails. It kind of hurts but it makes me laugh every time.